we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
