Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
