but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
