I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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