Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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