They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
soo... how was my night?
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