After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
