Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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