This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
