Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
