dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
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I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
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But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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