she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
operation have a gay friend backfired
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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