I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
