I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want to have your abortion
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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