What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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