So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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