Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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