im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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