I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
