Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
