If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
