I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
