the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
