I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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