i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
