update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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