My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
