Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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