fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
