last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
