Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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