she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
