so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
