it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
