sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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