i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
