Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
