two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
PANTIES FOUND
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