Don't make out with my wife yet
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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