Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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