Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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