I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
