I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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