She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
