thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
