I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
