She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
