All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
