Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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