Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
