SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
