its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Vodka?
Forever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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