He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
