I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
