The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
