I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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