Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
