So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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