Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
