no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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