Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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