I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
