You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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