Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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