it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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