When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
