Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
