god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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