i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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