DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
