and she was petting her beer can
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
