I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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