you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
