He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
