I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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