good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize