you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
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Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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