Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
