Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
