"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
