i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
