apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
