I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
