I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
