That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
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Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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