Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
