Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
