My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize