Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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