Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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