I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
